October 25th
A couple of weeks back, I was going to post something on Instagram. I started by simply wanting to post a photo of the flowers I bought myself, something I started doing when I realized I didn’t need to wait for someone to buy me flowers. Then since I had bought some pink roses with my orange lilies. I thought I would post about breast cancer awareness. I started going through the hashtag on Instagram. I found a lot of posts from cancer survivors. They said seeing all the posts about cancer awareness was a trigger for them and difficult to be constantly reminded.
I think I understand. Cancer is such a difficult disease. I have never had cancer but my husband’s nephew R (our son by milk) was diagnosed with cancer in April 2021. He was 11 at the time. It was a very difficult time for everyone close to him. Both families are very close and we see each other at least once a week. There were times when they would come back from school to our house every day.
When his mom called me and told me they found “something” in his lungs. I still remember all the details, I was in café with my husband. The kids were still doing distant learning. Elementary studied in the afternoon. My husband had the day off and we snuck out for a cup of coffee while the kids were in their classes. I’m glad I wasn’t at home when she called me. I took her phone call not expecting to hear those words. I didn’t understand. I had so many questions but I didn’t ask. She didn’t have any answers. They wanted a second opinion. She said they probably wouldn’t be coming over later. (It was a Thursday then end of the week\start of the weekend for us. They usually came over.) I hung up and my husband looked at me concerned. What was wrong? I told him I don’t know. I tried telling him. We decided to leave. I started crying in the car. My husband tried to reassure me when he wasn’t sure himself.
The next week was a blur, making an appointment at a different hospital. Taking the x rays and CT scan from the first hospital. The first hospital had said it might be an infection, it gave us some hope. The second hospital was a larger government hospital. They transferred him to the children’s cancer hospital, they said it was obviously a mass in the lungs, they needed to take a biopsy and make sure if it was benign or not. Waiting was hard. We tried to just get through each day by day. The day we found out it wasn’t benign, I went to a room by myself and sobbed. I cried and cried until my oldest sister in law. (she’s a doctor) called me, looking for me. She had come over to tell my mother in law and m the news in person. I told her I was crying. She told me not to come until I was done. She understood I needed to cry. But we needed to be strong in front of my mother in law. I knew I needed to get all the emotions and tears out. I need to be strong for my sister in law (R’s mother), my mother in law, and my kids.
Telling my kids was so hard. My older kids had a vague idea what cancer was, they mostly thought that cancer meant death for sure. I explained to them that, cancer was a disease like any other disease and God had the power to heal. We needed to keep our faith in this difficult time. I let them ask questions and I held my daughter as we cried together. Each of my kids cried at different times throughout the six months. It is so hard for adults, so can you imagine children dealing with this!
K, R’s brother (also our son by milk) showed so much strength, but he also had his moments. I am still in awe at R and how he dealt with everything. He had his moments, naturally, but he was amazing. He has dealt with this entire journey so well. They both have their mom to thank, she is an amazing mom. She has shown so much strength. She helped them through this. She knew how to deal with each difficult moment. I have learned so much from her.
The next six months were hard. I tried to take K, R’s brother whenever I could. I would take my kids over to visit him when he didn’t feel like coming to our house while his brother and mother were hospitalized. When R started losing his hair his brother K shaved his head and then my two oldest boys asked me to shave their heads too. It was such an emotional time. I was so proud of my kids for being so compassionate. and supportive of their siblings.
There are so many details that I remember. But I don’t want to write about them. You see I understand when cancer survivors say cancer awareness posts are triggering for them. Looking back at my photos from those long six months is triggering for me. I know technically I’m not R’s mom. That didn’t make it any easier. Being on the sidelines, trying to be supportive and helpful but not pushy or intrusive. Being there, but giving them space. Helping my kids cope, coping on my own. Being optimistic and keeping faith. Honestly the main thing that helped that period was my faith. I trusted that God would heal R. The journey was still was hard. It was so much harder for R and his family, but honestly, we are one family. We were the only people who visited them when R’s immune system was strong enough. We’d wear masks and try our best to get the kids to keep their distance. We celebrated every single milestone: (half way done/second to last chemo/finishing chemo/ getting clear x rays! Each milestone was a reason to celebrate. I still remember the day he came home from the hospital after his last does of chemo. (October 6th) We surprised him with balloons and celebrated together. I remember hugging his mom as we sobbed together, tears of relief and joy.
Every appointment since is a mini celebration. Even over a year later, there are so many mini milestones, going back to school, his 6 month checkup, his portal removal…
Having cancer during the pandemic made it harder. He went back a year after his peers. His brother did too so he wouldn’t risk getting sick from school and R catching it. The thought of him catching COVID was scary. Again, our faith in God was so much help. Here we are a year since he finished treatment, since we found out he is cancer free. His next appointment is in December. We are optimistic. We have our faith in God.
Baker’s Block
My ancient cooking notebook.
You know how writer’s sometimes get writer’s block? Well, I don’t know if this phrase exists for bakers but I’ve had what I call “baker’s block” for the longest time. I think it started while I was pregnant with my youngest, I was on modified bed rest, I did bake a little. When he was a baby I also would bake a little. I can’t really blame pregnancy or having an infant. I’m not sure what happened, I just became uninspired to bake. It wasn’t laziness. At the time I had a full time helper, she would help me when I made cookies or cupcakes and help me clean up after. I don’t know what it was. I just didn’t want to bake.
During the pandemic when we were on lock down I started baking again. It was my outlet. I would take out my stress on the pizza dough I made, or cinnamon roll dough. I would bake cookies, cakes and cupcake… I made new recipes and old recipes. I was keeping myself busy so I wouldn’t think about everything I was worried about. It helped. I baked a lot for Eid during lockdown. (a Muslim holiday) Then, when lockdown lifted and life started going back to normal, I stopped baking again.
You might think, but you’re so busy! Yes, I am, but that’s not the reason. I don’t know what is. You see, not baking is strange for me. I’ve always baked. I still remember the apple cinnamon cake I made with my sister. I was 9 or 10. Our mom helped with the oven. My specialty has always been cookies. My cakes were usually flat as pancakes except much denser. I had no patients and would put all the ingredients in one after the other. I remember when we first got married, before I had a stand up mixer, I tried making a cake, whisking the eggs into an airy frothy fluff did not happen, I realized that I was looking at pancake thin cake mix, so I turned it into cookie dough and made yummy chocolate chip cookies! I didn’t learn to bake cakes until I was a mother and had kids. I also had much more patience.
With my older kids I was the mom that always sent homemade treats. If the letter of the week was C, I’d send cat shapes cookies. Mini sheep cupcakes for Eid Al Adha (the second Muslim holiday) I enjoyed myself and it brought joy to my kids and their classmates. I have hundreds of cookies cutters, I’m not kidding. I have a lot of baking tools. Especially for cookies. I have a Madeline tray I bought years ago that I’ve never tried. Hopefully that will be one of the recipes I share here.
I used to dream of opening my own bakery. I’ve had multiple dream partners, my husband’s niece, my mom. I’ve actually done research and thought of names and logos. It developed into my “dream” party planning business. It’s nice to have a dream but its much nicer achieving the dream. Realistically, I plan on starting with my party planning business, since I can start on line. It’s actually scary writing this down because it makes it more real. It means I have to really work for this and achieve it and hopefully succeed. My dream is to extend my party planning business to including themed desserts. It’s so much fun baking to a theme. Bat shaped cookies and mummy pizza. I confess not everything I bake looks as aesthetically pleasing as I imagine it would, but I can honestly say everything tastes good. so I have that going for me.
In an attempt to get myself out of this rut, I’m going to make a list of things I want to bake this week and hopefully cross them off. I’ll post on Instagram and Pinterst photos of what I’ve baked and I’ll post the recipes here.
Nuha’s Baking Challenge: (List not necessarily in order)
1. Sugar cookies:
I think I’ll bake sugar cookies because I have a new cookie cutter I want to try. I’ll post a photo on Instagram when I bake.
2. Banana bread- mini cupcakes:
I baked so many of these during the pandemic after I accidently ordered way too many bananas and had to freeze a bunch. (I peel them, wrap them in plastic wrap and freeze them.)
3. Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies:
I use my mom’s recipe. They are amazing!
4. Cinnamon rolls.
5. Pizza:
My kids have been asking for pizza the past week and I’ve been meaning to make some but, in my defense, we were busy with midterms. They even offered to help. I will defiantly take them up on their offer.
I’m not sure if 5 is over ambitious. I will try to bake in the mornings when the kids are at school. I think I can do this. Follow me on Instagram and Pinterest to see my progress this week.
Thoughts on Parenting
If I were to write a parenting book, the first thing I would write is: parenting is hard! It is! Why beat around the bush about it? Second thing: it is SO rewarding. You just need to remember to be open minded and flexible. There is no one size fits all when it comes to parenting.
I was in college in my senior year when I become pregnant with my first. You may think I was crazy, but his pregnancy was planned and much welcome. You see, we had it all planned out: I would get pregnant during the second semester. So, I would give birth after I graduated. A solid plan, right? What could go wrong? Especially since I was still in “college student mode” and had bought multiple books about pregnancy and parenting. I had started doing research before we even started trying. So, I was almost an expert, right? I know all you moms are laughing now. It’s ok, laugh. I was so naive back then. Hahaha
The main thing I didn’t think about was all day sickness. (aka morning sickness) I didn’t know that one pregnancy symptom was sleeping all day, or at least wanting to sleep all day. It’s really hard to do that when you have a graduation project to finish. I’m lucky my pregnancy was fairly easy and I managed to graduate. But that’s not the point, the point is, even though I read books and did my research, I wasn’t prepared. Why you may ask? because everyone’s experience is different. You will definitely learn from parenting books and pregnancy books but in the end, your experience is going to be different.
The same goes with raising your kids. I do encourage reading books and listing to experts but honestly, there are some things that only you will know what is best for your kids. I’m always telling my kids; each mom has her own rules and that doesn’t mean anyone is right or anyone is wrong. I know we all secretly judge people sometimes. Especially moms. It’s so hard being a mom. you could be doing something that seems wrong or strange to the outsider but you have a very good reason doing it. We shouldn’t judge each other when we don’t really know all the details of your life. From experience I can tell you, every time I judge a mother, even if only to myself, I found myself doing that exact same thing in the future! I would remember my superior judgmental thoughts, then I would realize that now I was in this situation and I didn’t have another choice. It may hurt my pride, but I’ve learned my lesson!
As a new mom I had so many superior ideas! I “knew” so much about parenting. I read all the books remember? I was also a member of multiple parenting websites. (which area awesome! Especially the forums!) I was definitely an expert (or so I thought) and I had so many rules about how to care for my oldest. Poor baby he was my little Guinea pig that I did all my experiments on. I mean it in the most loving way. The way a new mother would care for her first born.
I tried my best. I learned so much! I learned that there are lots of things you won’t agree about with other mother, giving sips of water so the baby doesn’t go cross eyed. (old wive’s tale, babies don’t need water until they are 12 months, a sip, every now and then won’t do any harm) (read more) Getting the umbilical cord wet before it falls off (I did so much research on that back then, apparently there is no right, lots of studies using alcohol swabs and keeping it dry, lots of studies say getting it wet is fine.) But as a sleep deprived, crazy hormone new mom, of course I was right! (read more)
Back then I may have been too pro breastfeeding. I know breast feeding is good for the baby and the mother, but it isn’t always what’s best for the baby or mother. My 3rd taught me how hard latching can be. I remember thinking if he was my first, I would have immediately given up! It was so hard! But we managed. My 5th baby taught me that “fed is best”! He is the only one of my children who took formula as a newborn, he didn’t start exclusively breastfeeding until about a month after his birth. It was really hard and took a lot of work and determination to get there. He taught me that every baby is truly different and even if you have kids you’re not an expert and you can still learn new things. Every child is different and has different needs. Studies change and what was right 20 years ago may not still be considered right now. You need to be polite to the older generations and their advice. They mean well. It took me a while but I learned to nod my head and smile, then I did what I thought was best.
I didn’t introduce solids before 6 months, I didn’t introduce any potential allergens before a year. I had severe eczema growing up and I was hoping I would somehow avoid passing it on to my kids. I don’t know if it helped but some of my kids have eczema at different levels. So far not so bad. We do our best to protect them but we need to accept that we can’t protect them from everything. We will still try. That’s what parents do.
I know in the past mothers used to potty train their kids at very young ages! I didn’t even try until they were almost three and only if they were showing signs of being ready. I didn’t potty train my youngest until he was about 3 and three months and only because preschools had opened post-COVID and I knew he would benefit from going to school and being around children his age. It took me a while, but it stopped bothering me when people would comment about how so and so’s child was potty trained at 2 or could eat by themselves with a fork and spoon at 3. That’s great! Good for them! I’m not going to try to copy them. As long as I know I am tying my best, I’m doing what I can so they are well fed, healthy, well behaved, doing well in school, clean. It’s ok.
My youngest speaks English more fluently than Arabic. Am I happy about that? No. But with the pandemic and being isolated from most people, his older siblings speak English more than Arabic at home, especially since the only cousins that we saw during the pandemic speak English more fluently. They watch tv mostly in English, the even read in English. It all adds up. He’s learning Arabic at school, I try to speak in Arabic with him at home. He’s learning. This was actually something I had judged a mom I didn’t know about once at the dentist’s waiting room. See what I mean?
I remember judging moms who would walk in public with the children trailing behind with their nanny. Thinking how I would never do that. Then I did! I had three kids at the time they were all very young maybe 4,2, and an infant. My husband had Seventh Cranial Nerve was taking medication that compromised his immune system and made him sensitive too loud sounds and lights. I had accidently spilled boiling sweet tea on my wrist. I needed to go to the hospital and I didn’t have anyone to leave my kids with. I took them and my mother in law’s full time helper. I was in so much pain, I had a fever, because it was a second degree burn and I didn’t go immediately to the doctor thinking I was ok. I was that mom walking into the hospital and pharmacy, my kids trailing behind me with the nanny, she was pushing the stroller. I couldn’t push it with because of my wrist. Maybe someone judged me, I didn’t care. I had learned my lesson.
I never judge picky eaters anymore. My 3rd taught me my lesson. He’s a good eater. He just has preferences. He used to judge food by the way they looked. We have an agreement now, if its new you have to taste it and decide if you like it. If it’s been a long time since you’ve tried something you taste it again. Sometimes he discovers that he likes it.
My youngest (4-year-old) has been giving me a hard time with food lately. He still drinks formula, something I usually stop before they turn three. So, what’s working for us is, milk right after school only if he asks for it. Then later I’ll bring up a plate that he either eats by himself or I help him with if he needs encouraging. It’s been working so far. I’m sure in the past I would have judged that mom that still gives her 4 year old formula.
There is a ten year gap between my oldest and youngest. I’ve done so many things differently with my youngest. I won’t say I did things wrong in the past. It’s just things change, we learn, we have more experience. Each child is different and has different needs. As long as your kids are happy, healthy and thriving, don’t worry. You’re doing great.
Finding myself again..
I want this blog to inspire me to do the things I love: read (always paper books) bake, make art, puzzles, write! You know, I think its easy to lose yourself. You can be so busy, you don’t give yourself priority. Which is wrong. but it happens. My daughter loves painting and drawing and she caught me off guard once with a question: mama, why do you have all these paintbrushes? Why do you have all these art supplies? That made me pause and think. Its been that long since I’ve done anything artistic! My daughter doesn’t even know that about me! How is that possible? Even though we have three pieces of art on the wall in the living room that I made. I painted the frame and background and used pinecones and shells my kids had collected on vacations. Yet, she doesn’t remember. Because it has been that long.
It’s funny how sometimes we don’t realize what our kids remember from the past. For example; we went to Turkey in August 2016. My kids at the time were 9, 7, 5, 3. Even my 9 year old doesn’t remember much about that trip. So its no surprise they don’t remember me painting. I honestly haven’t painted much as a mother. I mostly do arts and crafts things. Usually with my kids or for themed parties. I’m not that good at drawing but that’s not the point. I love doing arts and crafts projects. I enjoy it. It makes me happy. That’s the point. I remember reading something about how a hobby isn’t about how good you are, it’s about enjoying it. According to Webster Dictionary the definition of hobby is:
“a pursuit outside one's regular occupation engaged in especially for relaxation”
So if it brings you joy, helps you relax, do it! As long as it makes you happy.
I’ve made a couple of pieces of wall art for our house. I made a piece for my husband as a gift from the kids that he took to his office. I have a so many ideas I wanted to try that have been on hold for years. Yes, years! Why? Because I’ve been too busy being a mom, or maybe I thought I was too busy. I needed to make a bigger effort to give myself time. I’m trying though. I’m a work in progress.
Right now. the one thing I always make time for is the gym. It’s something that can not be canceled. I realized that I can find time for it. It isn’t impossible. Nothing will happen to the kids if I leave them (with their grandma at home) and go to the gym. I go at any time possible. Morning noon, night. I try to go everyday when I can because I know some weeks I will barely manage going twice. The gym is my happy place. I will not give that up.
I try to give myself time to do other things. I bought a bunch of “young adult” books. They reminded me of the books I used to borrow from the library in the summers when I was in high school. I needed an easy read. Something relaxed and sweet. It was exactly what I needed.
Recently me and my husband started going out for coffee in the weekends. We usually get two coffees to go and drive around town talking. It’s nice. We are both so busy most days we don’t sit and talk much. We usually send each other messages so we make sure we know about that dentist appointment and when the carpenter is finally coming. If we wait until we see each other we usually forgot. It’s not ideal but it works for us. I know this super busy phase will pass and we will have quieter days when the kids grow older.
I think since I haven’t had many IRL (in real life) friends since I moved to Riyadh. I’m always a bit nervous meeting up with old friends. Especially when they are interior architects like me. I’m always judging myself. How I haven’t really worked and I have 5 kids. Most of my friends/ college classmates have one or two children or aren’t even married. They’ve focused on higher degrees and careers while I was busy dealing with “all day sickness” and teething babies. I don’t know why I expect them to judge me and make me feel less than them.
I met up with an old college friend who just moved to Riyadh. I was nervous because I was judging myself so harshly about being a SAHM. When we met I was surprised to hear that she was a SAHM too! She did some freelance work in the past but wasn’t doing anything at the moment. She was content. Why was I so hard on myself? She didn’t judge me at all. We had a great time. It was just like old times.
I have an awesome best friend (who lives on the other side of the country) who is always there to remind me that I shouldn’t compare myself to anyone. I know she’s right. I guess we all judge ourselves sometimes. Compare ourselves to others. Worry about what we “should be doing” or what we think is expected of us. I’d like to think that we’ve reached a place in society (world wide) where we are beginning to understand that there is no “should”. There is no rule. Everyone has different circumstances. Everyone is going through something different. So I’m a stay at home mom, so I have 5 kids. That doesn’t mean I’ve wasted my life. Comparing is so wrong.
I am slowly finding myself again. I’m better at giving myself priority when I need it. I’m better at communicating with my husband about what I want. I’m better at balancing between being me and being a mom/ wife/ DIL/ +all the different roles that comes with being a mom. I think I’m embracing the fact that I am an interior designer, I don’t have a formal job. That is my choice and it is fine. I’m working on our house and that is more than enough for now. There is no right or wrong when it comes a to personal life choices. As long as I’m ok with that and my husband is supportive, that’s all that matters.
Who knows that the future holds? I’m sure it’s all good.
My first post.
Honestly, I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for a while. I just want a place where I can talk about stuff I go through, as a human, as a mom, as a woman. I think that all humans on Earth are the same. Ok, we’re different. But we’re the same. I’m a stay at home mom (SAHM) I have 5 kids ages (15-4) I love traveling and I’ve been to many different countries. I’ve traveled with my kids. I’ve met people from all over the world. I think if we don’t let anyone tell us what we are supposed to think about others, if we don’t listen to the stereotypes, then we can live together in harmony. I want peace. I want to be as green as possible and take care of our planet.
I’m rambling as usual...
I actually had started writing for this blog about a year ago (2021). My two oldest had started attending school. My two middle kids had online school in the afternoon. So, I had time to myself in the morning to write a little. Then we started a major renovation project and between that and my family I had zero time to write. I have some posts from last year that I’ll post.
I’m still figuring out how my blog is going to be organized. I have so much to write about. I’m still not sure how I’m going to organize it.
I felt like for the longest time I’ve been writing this blog in my head. I’ve always loved writing. I just didn’t realize how happy it made me to write. I also have felt lost for a long time. I don’t know when I realized how lost I felt. I know it happens to a lot to mothers. You are so busy being a mom you don’t have much time to yourself, you’re so focused on your kids and so sleep deprived, you slowly stop doing the little things that bring you joy. Painting your nails. Putting a face mask on. Sitting in a comfy chair, reading a good book. Even your taste of books changes. For the longest time, I was reading self improvement books and parenting books. There is nothing wrong with reading these books but, you also need to read books that bring you joy. Books that take you away for a moment. I realized this when I was going to take a book to the hairdresser. (something I started doing after my fourth was born) When I realized, I didn’t want to take a book with me, because I didn’t have anything to read just for fun. So, I ordered a bunch of books. Starting with one of my favorites: “Under the Tuscan Sun” by Frances Mayes. I love the way she describes everything, taking us along on her journey in Italy. Buying and renovating a house in Italy. You can see what she sees and smell and taste what she eats. You are THERE with her experiencing everything. I then bought all of her books gradually. I remembered for the first time in longtime what it was like to get lost in a book. True bliss!
I don’t know when exactly I lost myself. My first 4 kids are about a year and a half apart so for a long time I had sleepless nights, dirty diapers and a messy house. I didn’t have much time for myself, I didn’t have any friends in the same city because I moved after I got married. I have a great relationship with my husband’s family so I always enjoyed their company which was often. I lost touch with a lot of friends. They were pursuing careers or off abroad getting their masters and PhD while I was busy wiping chins and playing with trains and dolls. (Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids!) I just needed a friend.
Slowly, I started to find myself again. I enrolled in a gym. For the first time in a long time I was Nuha again! Not someone’s mom or wife or daughter in law. I was me. There, they only knew me. It was great. For the hour I spent at the gym, I was me and only me. You’d think that since I didn’t have many friends, I’d try to make friends. But, at home, there was always so many people. Living with my mother law in is wonderful. I love my husband’s family. They truly are my second family. But I’m a person who really enjoys being by myself. So, at the gym, I didn’t want to be social at all. I did greet the receptionist and smile at other members and talk to the coaches, but I didn’t try to make any friends. I was happy with that.
I tried my best to give myself time to enjoy a cup of coffee, read a book, just sit in silence… It hasn’t been easy. My house has never really been clean. There is always a mess somewhere, some dishes in the sink, dirty laundry waiting to be washed. I used to be SUCH an organized person! My sister used to call me a neat freak. Haha. You wouldn’t believe me if you saw my house now. Becoming a mother has taught me to let go of the small things, the house doesn’t need to be spotless. The kids do need to be fed and happy. Its ok if my son doesn’t want to take a shower every day. It’s not the end of the world if the kids had cereal for dinner. It rarely happens but its ok if it does. They usually eat healthy balanced meals. I used to be that mom that has to bake something for school if there was a party or activity. I’m not anymore. Its ok if its store bought. There are healthy options thankfully. The main thing is balance. Don’t over do it and burn out quickly.
Something I think I need to mention is an app called YOU (which is no longer available unfortunately). I saw Jamie Oliver post on Instagram about it in January 2015. It was and still is a very important part of my life. I never imagined when I downloaded it how much it was going to help me. I had 4 kids at the time, my youngest was one. I was still lost. The app is all about mindfulness and daily actions to help you be more mindful and give yourself time and focus on what matters. It helps you find joy in the little things. The tiny details in life. But what was life changing wasn’t only the daily actions! It was the community! The community was so kind, supportive, loving, helpful, caring. Always positive and uplifting. They helped me so much. I never imagined I’d make so many friends from all over the world through this app. I never imagined I would have REAL friends on line! I went through so much and they were all there to give a kind word, some advice or just a (virtual) hug. We have been through so much together, weddings, divorces, deaths, YOUbabies, new jobs, retirements, house moves, city moves, continent moves… We’ve exchanged emails, phone numbers, addresses for YOUmail. (which I’m really bad at. Something on my never ending to do list) There have been lots and lots of YOUmeets. I’ve met only one YOU friend because I live so far away. I can’t imagine my life without them. So, now you’ll know what I’m talking about when I mention the YOUapp.
Let’s talk about feeling burnt out. It happens I think to everyone at one point. Sometimes it’s unavoidable sometimes it isn’t. It’s important to try to avoid becoming burnt out but it’s also important to acknowledge when you’re burnt out and give yourself the time to recharge. One thing I learned from YOUapp is to give myself time. It doesn’t have to be hours. It could be just 5 minutes of silence with your feet up before the school run or 5 minutes in the middle of the prebedtime chaos, to sit down while the kids ran around getting ready for bed. You’re there to answer questions (where is my lunch box? Do we have toothpaste?) But you’re sitting, feet up when possible. It’s funny because it had never occurred to me that when I put my feet up, it helps me relax and is completely different then just sitting. It’s also my way of telling myself that I’m relaxing. It was my KIU (keep it action, an action you choose to do every day until it becomes a habit) for the longest time and it really made a difference. For a longtime my KIU was (Start the day happy) It’s not that I was miserable in my life. It’s just that I was going through stuff, like any normal human and I found mornings difficult. I woke up grumpy and the lack of sleep didn’t help at all. This action helped me find ways to boost my mood in the morning. They were all simple things. Coloring, on my phone or in a coloring book. Coffee and chocolate after breakfast. I remember for a while toasted bagels where my favorite breakfast. I would wait until the kids were at school and my husband was at work, make myself toasted bagel with cream cheese, coffee and hopefully a book. Eating my breakfast alone in silence was important to me. It helped me be more productive the rest of the day.
When we went to Turkey in 2016, I was at a place where I was determined to give myself priority, To not brush off what I wanted. To actually tell my husband what I wanted. My husband is so kind and caring but if I didn’t speak up then how was he supposed to know what I wanted? In turkey I bought a 1000 piece puzzle. It took me a while to finally open it. (I wanted the perfect place which did not exist, I eventually opted for a plastic table in my bedroom next to the window. It worked.) This opened a new door for me. I didn’t know how relaxing puzzles were. I enjoyed working on it so much. It became part of my mornings. I even ordered two more puzzles. I framed two, the third one I never completed and eventually put away when I was going through miscarriages and my last pregnancy. I am planning on taking it out soon. I have done a couple of puzzles with my daughter. They were really helpful during the pandemic and lockdown. My daughter had the worse insomnia and we would stay up late and work on puzzles. Who knew puzzles could be so therapeutic?
I discovered that it was quite simple. These little details in my life made a huge difference in my mood. They helped me wake up happy, they helped me become more productive throughout the day. They helped me keep going on with life as a mother of 4 (then 5), as a daughter in law living with her elderly mother in law (my second mom! She deserves a post on her own I am so lucky to have her), as a wife to an extremely busy and hardworking husband… I had finally started to balance all my responsibilities and still do things for myself. Life changing! Literally.